We are brought into this world attached. It’s no wonder we spend the rest of our lives trying to understand our attachment styles and then break out of them. If only is was as simple as cutting the cord at birth. But what if it could be?
As infants and children we develop a dependency. Without someone to care for us we have no chance of survival. We are nurtured, developed and along the way we adopt the ideas and beliefs of our child carers. As we grow into our own inner selves we begin to see the world through our own eyes and the journey of our life really begins. Some of us are lucky enough to begin our life work early. Discovering our why, our purpose. Others can take a long time to get there. And it’s not surprising.
We are told very early in our lives to set goals. We must excel in school to get into university, we must excel in university to get a good job. We need the good job to earn enough money. When we have enough money we can be happy. We should be married by a certain age, kids by then too. That’s what everyone does, why not you too?
Whose beliefs are those? Did we adopt someone else’s or did we create our own? And what kind of message is this delivering? That if we don’t succeed at achieving one or any of these does that mean we have failed?
It’s time to create a new message. Learn to continuously keep cutting the cord.
What if instead of learning attachment styles we learn to let go. Im not saying don’t set the goals. Im all for living the dream. But we spend so much of our lives expecting, connected, ATTACHED to an outcome. We try to control everything in our lives so that they play out the way we want them too. And when they don’t, disappointment, let down, heart break, loss. And each time we experience this we inadvertently add another layer of fear, doubt, insecurity.
How many times have you been told to get back up and fight? Or if you really want something you better go out and get it?
What if we instead we surrendered and let go?
This is not permission to walk away. This is not permission to give up. This is surrendering to the control, the fight, the all consuming focus and need to achieve. Because what is meant to be really will be. And with all the emotional and mental freedom we create from that, we can find space to sit into the one and only thing that is going to really get us to where we are meant to be.. and that is in ourselves.
The only thing that is guaranteed for sure is us. The thoughts we think, the choices we make, the way we, speak react and behave. EVERYTHING ELSE IS NOT OURS TO CONTROL. The more time we spend unattached to outcome, things, people and needs, the more time we get to spend showing up to us. And its there in that space we find content, happiness, fulfillment.
A very dear friend said to me once “be clear on the vision, trust the plan” . It’s a life long practice but lm doing the work.
THIS WEEK’S ATTACHMENT MEDITATION PASSAGE - By Shane Collard.
I want you to Imagine you are holding a bottle of water in your hand,
This bottle takes no effort to pick up and no effort to hold, The bottle seems reasonably light and unless you actually weigh it you have no idea of how heavy it really is.
Lets Imagine that you hold the bottle for a few minutes what do you think will happen? You probably notice very little change, you feel fine.
But lets say you hold that bottle for a bit longer now, say a few hours.. your arm would probably begin to ache start to hurt start to fatigue.
What if you held that same bottle for 24 hours, Your arm would practically go numb it could feel like it was going to fall off or you would at least be in severe pain.
We need to understand that the weight of the bottle did not change during that time the only thing that changed was how long you where holding it.
This bottle represents your challenges your problems , your worries, your anxieties about uncertainty and your attachments to the things that are holding you back and the things you cannot change.
Realizing that the longer you hold onto them the more pain they can do to us.
** MAHATMA GANDHI said
I will never let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
But too often it is our very own shoes which are bringing in the dirt attached to them.
To have it, to have life and to have its pleasures you must at the same time let go of it. Don’t hold on too tight, don’t smother it don’t squeeze the life out of it.
Pleasure in its fullness cannot be experienced when one is grasping it.
Love without attachment.
and then you can be perfectly free.